We Just Don’t Know Any Better

There are a lot of things in life I’ve had to learn the hard way. Most of them fall under the category of: “Well, how was I supposed to know?”

Take lobster, for example. The first time I ever had it, I treated it like the fried catfish I grew up eating in East Texas, with hushpuppies, fries, and of course, ketchup. So naturally, I poured ketchup all over my fancy lobster tail. You’d have thought I’d broken a sacred law from the horrified gasps around the table. But really, how was I to know lobster came with rules about melted butter?

Or the time I decided the fastest way off the roof was just to jump down instead of climbing carefully. Spoiler: the ground was a lot farther away than it looked. My foot went numb, burned like fire, and I hobbled around for days convinced I’d broken it. (I hadn’t. But my pride sure limped a little.)

Then there was my attempt at sterilizing baby bottles. I boiled them so long they didn’t resemble bottles anymore, just a melted plastic blob in the pan. That was an expensive lesson in “less is more.”

And let’s not forget my hockey puck biscuits. Nobody warned me that over-mixing biscuit dough was a crime against humanity. I could’ve played a whole game of street hockey with those biscuits and not chipped a single one.

Maybe my most heroic “how was I to know” moment came in church. My little one suddenly turned green, and before I knew it, he threw up. Without thinking, I caught it in my shirt to avoid making a mess in the pew. What I didn’t realize is: if you catch someone else’s vomit, the smell will make you vomit too. Right there in church. Double the blessing.

But the grand finale? My wedding day. Hundreds of guests I didn’t know, my East Texas family staring at me as I walked down the aisle, and me, petrified. The night before, the girls had gifted me some pretty lingerie to wear after the wedding, and I thought it was so nice I wore it under my dress.

Problem was, the panties had a tiny button on the back that played “Here Comes the Bride” when pressed. So there I was, walking down the aisle in my heavy gown, and suddenly the tune started playing from under my dress. Oh, my Lord. Did everyone hear it? Maybe not… but judging by the snickers and giggles, I’m pretty sure the joy in the room wasn’t just from the ceremony.

Here’s the truth: life doesn’t come with a handbook. Sometimes you eat lobster with ketchup. Sometimes you melt bottles or misjudge rooftops. Sometimes you even play wedding-day music with your underwear.

But you laugh, you learn, and you move forward a little wiser. And if you don’t know any better? Well… at least you’ll have a great story to tell.